the elders are late so I had time to write an essay
Merry late christmas y un feliz año nuevo. best christmas of my life was spent singing off key carols, eating paneton till I could burst, watching fireworks, sharing messages in sweaty living rooms and disorganized tiendas and on dusty steps and just big full heart happy lovin on God's kids.
I am officially bad at spanish. Like 4 people told me they couldn't understand me and then my comps laughed at me because i said rico comida instead of ricA comida. Perks of only having gringa comps the last 8 months. Speaking of being gringa, i dont think the people up here have had a white missionary in like a year and especially not a blondish one. The number of drunk men that stumbled after us yelling !!Hello GOOD MORNING! last night was just...yeah. there was one guy who was kinda persistent and we passed some police guys and i was like oh good at least they wont try to speak english to me and quiza save me from this strange dancing man and possibly give him a belt so his pants stop falling down and they both turn to me and go HELLO *cries*. It's funny cuz I guess prezi said upper Mirador where I used to be was too sketch for hermanas and I felt safer up there at 8pm than here at 4. Yippee.
Ive started telling the drunk guys i only speak dutch.
Top things about Belén:
There is a dog here and he has so much extra skin and he just lays on the sidewalk and looks like a melting ice cream cone. Hna Garzon named him nose
The sidewalks here have this weird shiny sealant on them and have random slopes and it's like a little mini slip n slide every day (never got to play my sock game in my last zone pero no importa I have slippy slidewalks now)
Two kids having a squirt gun fight. Squirter guns made from water bottles and cleaning solution lids.
IT IS SO PREPARED. we set some goals last week and ended up exploding them and just grinding the whole week which made me so so so happy. I just love when I can teach about Jesus and we find people and the members help and even tho a lot of people didn't show up to church it's ok cuz a lot of others did and aaa
Got peanut butter and cookie butter in my Christmas package (shout out mimi) best things in life come in little jars or on paper trees.
All my Barker side wrote me notes on little paper ornaments and I cried. Que vergüenza
Had my first divis as hermana lider which I think means I'm supposed to know what I'm doing. I do not.
You know those mugs that have like #1 Dad or World'sGreatestSecretary? I need one that says #1 Worlds Biggest Fattest Hypocrite. All the times on my mission I've been like "ugh stop getting onmy case" to anyone in a position of leadership is now coming back to haunt me. I feel like like those little robot flying guys from Lego movie like mIcRoMaNaGemEnT aaaahhhh!! Hate hate hate. Now I'm supposed to look at these charts and numbers and data things and know what they mean and how to fix it and how to help the missionaries understand why they should fix it and. Formal apology to all those who have ever had to be in charge of me. Basically just got called to repentance all week.
Which lead me to the best personal study of my mission (she says while simultaneously remembering at least 6 other fuego personal studies ...God really is awesomethat way)
Humility isn't weakness. It's not fear or timidness. It's actually being really smart. Realizing that you actually are kind of not that intelligent as God is (and that's not comparing and putting yourself down that's just appreciating how smart God is). Humility is Godliness, it's christlike behavior
I thought about how being humble is recognizing weakness without looking for pity/reassurance/outer motivation/apology. Not like the trap of "omg I'm so bad at this I must be a terrible person and probably need to just never even abrir mi boca because I'm just such a bad missionary" <<which I have definitely fallen into. Its a genuine desire to change your nature to be more like Christ REGARDLESS of the external outcome. It's the acceptance of growth with the knowledge of lack of control.
Which are all things I want to be so much better at. And the thing is God gives us that choice.
There's 3 words written on a green sticky note above my desk.
If.
Ye.
Will.
And actually it's in like a bazillion scriptures. Because God is always inviting. If ye will
Hearken
Hear His voice
Harden not your heart
Awake
Arouse your faculties
Obey My voice
Enter in by the Way
Receive it
Lay down your arms
Lay hold on every good thing
Repent
Come unto Me.
If we will do these things, He will bless us. And God can not lie or else he would cease to be God. So I'm learning to trust Him, in his promises He's given me, the promises from covenants, from patriarchal blessing, from the spiritual whisperings to a troubled heart.
And I know He will bless us. Someone laughed at me this week while I was bearing my testimony in a lesson. "Why are you laughing?" I said (straight up). "Don't you know I have the most important message for the world to hear?"
It's too bad really. That guy needed a whole lot more than a 20 year olds advice. But God was willing to bless Him.
Just like He's willing to bless you
If ye will.
emma rose bark
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