running on sunshine

 I remember the very first time I ran 6 miles. I was 15 years old and the longest I had ever run was 5 miles. 6 might not seem like very much more than 5, but that's 5280 feet. And that's a lot more feets than I wanted to try and run. 

Because I was stuck in my mind that i was in the "happys" group.

Let me explain.

My cross country coach, in an effort to divide the training plans for the jv and varsity teams classified us in 2 groups.the "happys" and the "crazies". 

So because i wasnt as fast as the crazies I simply ran until the other happys were done, turned around and was content. 

And that was that! 5 miles seemed like a great accomplishment and I didn't want anything more. 

Until one day, during the covid lock down, after running the 5mile loop I had done about 100 times right by my house, I passed by my driveway. And just kept running. Up the hill, to the corner by the canola field that was starting to bloom. And then I turned around. And ran down past the cherry trees that my mom and I would bring plastic buckets to to fill up for free and past the old tractor that my brother every Sunday walk takes a picture on. 

And I walked up my driveway, my little Garmin watch reading "6.00 miles".

And it was the best thing ever. 

And I had no idea I would be able to do it.

Because I had been living in my little happy box.

Why didn't I just go with the crazies?

I don't know. 

Actually I do. 

It's because I was so scared to make a fool of myself. 

To be the one to say "hey sorry guys I gotta walk"

Or the one who threw up after. 

How embarrassing. 

I never pushed myself because I didn't want to fail. 

How silly.

Because freshman year emma should meet 13 month missionary emma. 

She would be shocked. 

Shocked at the number of mistakes she's made. That she CHOSE to serve a mission and keeps choosing every day, amidst the embarrassing zoom calls, the misspelled texts, the slammed doors. 

She would be shocked at the emma who is so far out of the happy group because she feels JOY. 

I love the Lord. I love that He takes our insecurities and says let's run with it. 

I'm grateful for the person that God wants us to become. 

Hna Chipman talked all about TIME this week. Prezi talked all about choices and joy

I was rocked to my core.

Why don't we look at new experiences like we do as children, a new opportunity? 

We are enough for God.

The atonement is a daily choice.

Anywayz. 

Love yall. 

Hermana Barker